Life Update

Well, here it goes. Today is the last day I’ll ever be Miss Howe, and it is my last day of teaching. I can hardly believe I'm typing that, and that this day is here.

To some of you, this may come as a shock, and to others it may not. My intent was really never to keep anyone in the dark about my decision, especially not for this long. But I needed time to give my decision the thoughtful consideration it deserved, and to take into account what I wanted to do before I opened the door to the opinions of everyone around me. But today is it, and after almost a whole year of knowing this day was coming, it's here.

So much of who I am today is because I got to be 'Miss Howe', and that's what makes this so incredibly hard. I am a better person because I was a teacher, and because of my kids. My experience as a teacher has changed me in so many ways, and I am so thankful that teaching was placed on my heart so many years ago. I know that I am so lucky to have experienced something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

I am not walking away because I dislike teaching, or because my heart isn't in it anymore. I love teaching, and I always will. I have had some really challenging days, years even, but I have never hated my job, and I'm not walking away because I'm giving up on it. God gave me the gift of teaching, and instilled in me everything I needed to be the best teacher I could be. It is truly all I have ever wanted to do. But in the last four years, I have realized teaching is not the only passion I have, and it's not all that I am.

For the last two years, I've been pulled in two very different directions; blogging and teaching. I have done everything in my power to make sure that they stay completely separate, and that neither one affects the other. But in doing that, especially this year, I've spread myself very thin. It's become an impossible task to uphold both blogging and teaching full time, and I cannot continue to do both jobs in the same capacity I have been up until now. It became very clear to me this year that for my happiness, my health, and my mental health, I needed to choose one or the other.

I have an incredible opportunity in front of me with blogging, and that opportunity is fleeting. I’m walking away from my dream job, to pursue another dream job, and while it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I have worked extremely hard, and I am so thankful that I get to make this choice. 

But, trust me when I say I’ve never prayed more, cried more, or slept less than I have in the last year. Leaving a job you love so much, is painful, confusing, and sad, especially when you're not considerably unhappy, because I'm truly not. But blogging makes me equally as happy, just in a different way. I know this is right for me right now, and I have confidence in that. It doesn’t mean I’m not terrified, because I am, but through this journey, I have always prayed the same prayer - that I would have enough courage and confidence in what’s next to be able to close this chapter of my life, and today is that day. I know that God wouldn't give me a desire to do something he hasn't equipped me to do, and I am carrying that with me in this next step.

If I'm being honest, the last couple of weeks have been hard. The end of the year is always hard for me, but knowing this is the end of my teaching career has been extremely emotional. A part of me feels empty, as I am truly leaving a piece of my heart in my classroom today. I've had many moments of doubt, and I've spent more than one drive home the last few weeks in tears, wondering if this the right decision, and how I could possibly leave something I love so much. But something I remind myself of daily is something Madeline Custer, my confidant in all of this, told me months ago, "you have created this door for yourself, now it’s time for you to walk through it".

"It’s never too late to start over, it’s never too late to change your mind. It’s never too late to redirect yourself, to replace the dreams you thought you wanted for ones that genuinely excite and challenge you. Leap towards all that scares you and ignites you. Just try for something while you’re here.” @RainbowSalt

So, here’s to closing the greatest chapter of my life, and to leaping towards a new one. 

Thank You

I can't end this post without the most massive and heartfelt thank you to those of you reading right now. Whether you've been here for one day, or all four years of this journey, I am so, so incredibly thankful. I would be nothing without those of you who continue to visit my blog, make my recipes, share my Instagram with your friends and family, and show up for me in countless ways every day. I am truly so grateful.

You have made this dream of mine worthy of chasing, and I owe so much of this journey to you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here.